drama

sometimes i try my every means and ways to hate you for whatever reason i felt is right to be hated, and it always does tend to reach its maximum peak, where everything just feels like yes, there i found a perfect reason, the perfect answer as to why i should hate you, no matter how too strong a word hate is. truth is, one can lie to everyone out there, but never to themselves. how can i ever hate you, the whatever reason i tried to use to hate u so badly, doesnt even exist. i have no reason to hate you nothing nothing can ever make me hate u that badly and the only fault that i made was the more i tried hating you the more i hate myself for even trying to do so. i can never hate you , never ever ever in my life can i hate somebody like you. you're.. perfect, yah true no one's perfect but ive grown so used and adapted to whatever negative points ive known that comes from you that everthing just falls into place and even the wrong can turn to right.


it sux so badly when you kinda realise everything's your fault and you push the blame all to yourself,
for things you did, for things you never do.
for things you should have done, for things you shouldnt have done.
isnt this what i always do?
blame myself when things go the wrong way, because ive got no absolute strength to stand up for myself and point whatever mistakes others did, because it seems a whole lot easier if i were to take responsbility of the whole thing. even though i know, i know so well whatever things i actually did wrong and did not do wrong and i shouldnt be so hard on myself and push it all to me.


then it comes to a point, when the whole poem to one of my all time fave movie came to my mind and it reminded me of times when i said you forgot the tittle when you actually did remember and never did forget. it got me quite hurt that i thought you had actually forgotten what my fave movie was, yah but then you said you didnt. then it led to the other times we were happier. i dont know, which one was the best memories i had, because there were so much i was spoilt for choice.

I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the
way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb
combat boots
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes
me sick.
It even makes me rhyme.

She pauses, then continues.


KAT
(continuing)
I hate it...
I hate the way you're
always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh;
Even worse when you make me cry.

She begins to cry as she continues
to read.

KAT
(continuing)
I hate it when you're not around
And the fact that you didn't call,
But mostly I hate the way I don't
hate you;
Not even close;
Not even a little bit;
Not even at all.

i cant believe that im actually so scared to publish this post, it took me a couple of mins to decide whether to save it as draft or publish it. its not those haunting scared scared, like the kinda scare i always get when i walk in this particular pathway alone at night, freak that place still creeps me out, even in the evening when it starts to get really dark.
im so scared to do things these days, but why.


yahyah, boring old limp frizzy bleagh hair for hari raya and the usual face
tapi dah bagos tu tuhan kasi muke dan rambot, bersyukurlah amin